The Worst

When you first step out of a shower and it’s the absolute coldest of all the cold rooms you’ve ever been in…Let me break it down for you.

You’re in the shower. It took a second, but you finally got it to the right temperature. The steam is rolling around you. It’s a little trippy but whatever, you roll with it. You reach for the soap and suds yourself up. The aroma sticks to the swirls of steam. Suddenly, you’re in an open field of flowers watching the absolute sexiest person run towards you. Real magical shit.

You rinse the suds off, closing your eyes when you do so. The water, perfectly temperatured, drips down your head and flows in streams down your back. You smile ever-so-slightly while you contemplate what would happen if you just didn’t get out of the shower. At what point would someone knock to see if you were okay? Smile fades. Does anyone even care? Woah. Relax deep shower thoughts, we are not getting into that today. Actually you have things to do outside of showerworld. I guess it’s time we get out now. Turns shower off. Steps out of the shower.

You are now in the coldest place you’ve ever been. There is not a single thing that compares to the kind of cold you are feeling right now. The steam practically ran away laughing at you. You grab a towel and wrap it around yourself wishing you were four-years-old again so your mom could come in and wrap you up in all her maternal warmth and one of those giant, soft towels with the hood. She’d pick you up, shuffle you to your room, and make sure you got into your pajamas and in bed as quick as possible. Next thing you know, you’re in bed, warm and cozy under the covers, and the horrors of that moment of coldness is but a distant memory. Mom is next to you reading a book. Well played, Mom. Dad comes in to say good night using that nickname only he calls you and you go to sleep feeling warm, happy, and loved.

But alas, such is not the case because in reality, you’re probably a twenty-something taking a shower at the gym to save money on your water bill.

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