I Was Not Sorry 

Hey kid – it’s me.

Just called to see if you’re around tonight. I could use a friend tonight. It’s after Labor Day, and I’d been thinking the summer crowd leaving would make breathing easy, but aside from the drowning, I don’t think I’m sleeping and –

Hey kid – you there? I’m back now. I’m here…

Saturday night was pretty weird. Pretty locals shoved powder up their noses in Convention Hall bathroom stalls between rum buckets and immigrants in denim jackets. When did Coke become a thing? Anyway, I think I saw you there. You were smoking a cigarette, looking for sea glass in the sand at night like an idiot. I wanted to scream, hey kid, where’ve you been? But honesty had her teeth on my neck. Oh yeah – it was me who left.

Remember Summer ’09? I passed you a joint and you said hey kid, you’re my best fucking friend. We sat on the porch soaking in the glory of winning that beer pong tourney in Car’s basement. I said I don’t know where my shoes went and you promised to help me find them. We found bikes in the back shed and ended up at Philips Ave. I heard Sandy knocked that pier down. Sorry I wasn’t around for that. But hey kid, I’m not sorry I left.

I’m not sorry I left.

I had to get out. Can you try to understand that now? How many times did Ocean Ave drag us down? How many high school reunions in Belmar on Tuesday does it take until conversations start to change?

You and I always understood the logic of Columbus, but how many more times will you get wrecked by the waves before realizing the horizon line is always the same distance away? I know a place where the air is thin and breathing hurts your lungs like panting on your back after the best sex you’ve ever had. No one said freedom is painless my friend – just worth it.

Anyway kid, let me know if you’re around tonight. Might head over to Johnny Macs tonight, but I could really use a friend tonight.

Remember when you said we’d leave this town together? I’m not sorry I left without you. Remember when you said we’d leave this town together? I’m not sorry I left without you. Remember when you said we’d leave this town together? I’m not sorry – Hey kid, call me when you get this. I’ll be up. Hey kid, I haven’t been sleeping much.  

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