Write a poem about a tomato

I found a tomato

In a salad

On the 4th of July,

And what a wonder that is

For no other reason than

Tomatoes make me cry.

 

Normally I’d suppress my tears,

Make like our forefathers

And spit on my fears,

But for tomatoes I make an exception.

They’re simply far too evil

For any emotional repression.

 

Their seeds are full of poison,

Their skin a plastic suit.

Take one bite and you’ll double over –

Be the devil’s latest recruit.

 

Yes I know, believe me,

Sometimes they look like candy,

But be smart, they tend to lie –

Tomatoes are vegetables

I’ll swear it ‘till I die.

 

There are people out there

Who think the tomato is a fruit.

“But isn’t it obvious?” I tell them.

“How could you be so obtuse?”

 

I pity the cucumbers.

I pity the romain.

Mom said, “Just eat around them.”

But you and I know

It just isn’t the same.

 

I’ll stick to my hot dog,

Extra mustard, please.

The devil’s spawn won’t touch these lips

And no,

I’m not making a scene.

 

“But there’s tomatoes in spaghetti sauce

And you eat that all the time.”

“Shh,” I say to Mom.

“Your ignorance should be a crime.”

She doesn’t like when I say that,

Hates it even more when I rhyme.

 

So I’m sent to my room –

A blessing in disguise.

Plot twist: I hoard tomatoes.

Yup, they’re mine.

All mine.

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