Write a love letter to a person you dislike

Nobody and Everybody,

I don’t think I ever got the chance to tell you this, but I really like how trashy you are. It’s adorable how you think what you wear is appropriate. There’s just no question you’re from Jersey, and I admire those who keep the stereotypes strong. #JerseyStrong

And thanks for always thinking of me when you needed to vent. Pretty insightful stuff you got there. You’re a real thinker. I like people who have thoughts. And that tattoo you have – you’re just so fucking creative.

I know we never really saw eye to eye when it came to music preference, but I respect your ability to listen to nothing but Top 40. That must take some real effort. Sometimes I wish I could be just an average consumer who believes everything Panera’s marketing team puts out there. It must be nice thinking your food is made with fresh ingredients. Maybe we can hang out soon and you can explain to me exactly what a GMO is.

Remember our first kiss? Wow, we were so drunk.

To be completely honest, your ignorance is definitely your best quality. Your sweeping generalizations are so cute. Never change.

I always found it so comforting the way your room directly reflects the chaos in your life. I crave that sort of consistency. You really opened my eyes and made me appreciate knowing the difference between my own clean and dirty laundry. Thank you.

I’m sorry I called you selfish that one time. I guess you can’t really help that being an only child and all. Would you say your selfishness is a matter of nature or nurture? Maybe we can smoke weed and try to answer that question. I think I’d really like that.

By the way, did you ever get the chance to cross lesbian experience off your bucket list? Let me know.

All the best,


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